Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

Fav 38 4484 1035
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(516): View more from New York

A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

Fav 39 2275 8305
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick

Fav 38 5649 2073
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(360): View more from Washington

he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

Fav 40 17274 2677
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(303): View more from Colorado

No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.

Fav 1 426 923
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!

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