Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
