Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
