Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's get the cat blown out
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
