the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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