I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize