Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
