yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
COCAINE IS GR8
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
