literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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