a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize