Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think people are normalizing furries
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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