so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
