idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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