I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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