just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
