i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
did i walk over a car last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
