I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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