remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
