it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
