I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
