so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
