I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
