i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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