I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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