Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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