i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
