if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
