I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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