I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish you could order shots online.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
