put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
