Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
