I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
