hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
