I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
