porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
