Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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