everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
