Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
