fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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