you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
