u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
