i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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