I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
