hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
