I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
