I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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