Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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