non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
