my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
