I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
