hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
