yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
