Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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