If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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