those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
