How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
