ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
