waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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