is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize