Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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