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• (323): View more from California

  I'm being pulled over???

  (520): View more from Arizona

  For what!?!?!

  (323): View more from California

  ??? I'm in a cab!!!!!

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Why does tequilla always make you text me?

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

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• (801): View more from Utah

  As long as you're not dating white guys again.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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• (710): View more from

  my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking

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• (714): View more from California

  The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues

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