i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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