Why does Corona taste like a burp?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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