he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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