areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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