at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
