I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
