I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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