you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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