He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
