Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize