All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
