If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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