i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
